8 reasons why you should masturdate

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Lately, I hear people complaining of loneliness. Personally, I can’t relate. One because I love my alone time and two: I masturdate. Nope! I didn’t say what you think I said. I said Masturdate.

What’s that? No wahala, I’ll tell you.

Masturdation. Like the word you thought it was, it’s something you do by yourself. But the difference is that you can masturdate in public. You can masturdate all over the place. You can take yourself on a masturdate anywhere you damn well, please. Yup, a masturdate is just a date — with yourself.

From going out to dinner alone, or taking yourself to see a movie, to the spa, going to that art gallery you’ve always wanted to visit, or attending a concert you really want to be at but your friends aren’t fans of the people performing. You are a home buddy, it could just be about you watching a movie at home. But add something extra, like a nice bottle of wine and fancy snacks and a beautiful ambience.

What’s the fuss about?

I’m surprised you asked. but I’ll tell you.

1. Have you looked at yourself closely in recent times? let me ask you when was the last time you took responsibility for your happiness? when was the last time you re-introduced yourself to you? When was the last time you made your body parts feel they also matter? Discover who you are and the things that bring you joy.
2. By taking the time to get to know yourself — or“woo yourself”, you get to know who you are rather than being told who you are by others.
3. One of the reasons you are still single AF and stuck is that you’ve fully failed to do number 1. As you start to treat yourself with love and kindness, you’ll start to attract, and be attracted to, people who do the same.
4. You’ve taken too much dagnabit from people all your life. it’s time to switch things up. It’s time to stop tolerating those who don’t value you or those that don’t treat you with the respect that you deserve.
5. You are tired and sleep-deprived. When was the last time you had good sleep? You don’t need to embarrass your ageing self.
6. The world is going crazy. you need to escape from it and breathe a little.
7. Errm… I heard you say my options looked expensive. I get it. Sometimes the desirable is not available because of funds but, you can start by going for a walk by yourself, buying yourself ice cream or something you really want. write yourself a love letter and read it out loud to yourself.
8. You are nervous to go out alone! get used to it, all your friends cannot be available when you need them all the time. cést la vie.

I might have sounded like your neighbourhood agony aunt but i mean well. go. masturdate.