Quarantine Tales (Short Story)
“WE ARE DONE! YOU DON’T MAKE ME HAPPY ANYMORE, I NEED SOMETHING BETTER”
Words Keji heard in her dreams every. other. day. Since Nonso broke up their four-year relationship. Since the break up 2 weeks ago at the first place they hung out, Keji has been battling with insomnia. The moment she succeeds at getting any form of sleep, those words stroll into her thoughts again like those aunts you just can’t stand. She would wake up wailing, asking herself: “ Didn’t i cook enough, give him the right sex- i don’t know all the sex positions but i try. Why wasn’t he happy with me? Who is making him happy?”
In finding answers to her questions and maybe out of the breakup trauma, she would wake up at 6:00 am as she plans her day for work to check his timeline for a sign. Any sign. Something to show he misses her but sadly, Nonso seemed to have moved on with a finer, sexier woman he is traveling the world with. A dream she shared with Nonso but he never had the time for the trips. “How come he suddenly has the time?” The caption for this morning irritated the last nerve of her. It read: When one door closes, a million doors are open to you #LivingMyBestLife.
In her yearning to try and fix it. She replied with a red heart emoji. By 7:40 am she got the message, it was done. she received the notification on her phone ‘ you have been blocked from viewing Nonso’s Profile’.
“The nerve of him! How dare him! Keji shouted to herself. He thinks he can waste four years of my life just like that. He doesn’t know what is coming for him.” She checks her smartwatch for the time and realizes it was 8:15 am. If she doesn’t leave immediately, she might make it a tad late for work.
Lunchtime.
Keji forgot to pack her food from home. Still mad at the fact that Nonso just blocked her from ALL social platforms. She needed to vent. To breathe. But importantly, she needed to eat. The anger hadn’t made her realize the last meal she had was the previous day at lunch.
ring. ring. She calls her best friend Idee.
“Baby girl, how far na?” Idee replies.
“Meet me at Amala place in 20 minutes!” keji snapped.
Out of confusion, Idee responds: “ok ma. Yes, ma. Would you pay for my…”
Keji hung up the phone.
In 20 minutes, they both meet up at Amala place. Keji had been waiting for her friend while she ordered ofada rice for herself. Idee struts in. out of vexation that Idee does not seem to understand the severity of the issue, Keji yelled. Would you walk fast! We don’t have all day. Befuddled at her friend’s attitude and the sheer embarassment Keji was causing, she paced herself to sit at the chair opposite Keji.
“You are late!” Keji spoke but this time, she couldn’t hold the tears in anymore. The waterworks came for a ball.
“What happened?” Idee asked as she placed her hands on her face to wipe the tears off it.
“He blocked me from social media!” she cried all the more. Was I that bad of a girlfriend? Why do I always get dumped? Idee why?”
“Tell me what happened last night.” Idee asked.
Keji had left her food to narrate what happened in the morning.
“You know what, I have a plan. She wiped the tears off her face. “Shebi he said one door closes another opens. I would open a pseudo account and follow him. Make I see if e go block me again. ***hole oshi!”
Immediately, she picked up her phone to create a new account and she named it Kunle Rodriguez. “Rodriguez bawo?” Idee asked.
“Kunle is a mixed breed, please.” She downloaded a stock photo of a mixed racial guy and used it as a profile picture. Kunle’s bio read, ‘Money can’t be at peace without me! Money lives for me’
Idee was both discombobulated and bewildered. She thought to herself: ‘my friend must be losing it. I have to help her somehow’.
2 days later, Kunle Rodriguez followed Nonso and in minutes Nonso followed back. Keji thought to herself “my plan is working. Kunle would only comment with likes and that’s it”
The stalking went on for a few months until one Sunday evening, as she coiled herself into the only grey couch in her studio apartment to watch Jenifa’s diary, she got an Instagram message from a certain Kunle Rodriguez.
Huh?! Keji looked around her apartment. It was the same account she had opened to stalk Nonso. Unbeknownst to her, she had received a follow request from the account a few days ago. She thought: “I probably followed myself without my knowledge” -she waved it off and it never was a bother ever since.
But now.
She became addled. Who is pranking her? What is happening? Was she still in one of those her Nonso bad dreams? As a Naija babe. She ran to her room to get the anointing oil her mother had given her last Christmas. She sprinkled some around her room and oiled her body with what was left in her hands as she shouted the ‘blood of Jesus’ 21 times to ward off evil spirits in her phone.
She went to check her phone and the messages from Kunle kept coming. At this point, she was freaking out. She had to leave the house as she called Idee at her porch.
“Baby girl!” Idee responded.
“Babes. Something crazy is happening. Remember the Kunle Rodriguez account? the account is sending me messages”.
“Ehn!?” Idee replied. How come?
“Babes, if I say i know, I dey lie”. Keji replied.
“Keji, you know what, act like you don’t know what’s up and let’s see how this plays out. Las las, we would know who is at the other end of the phone”. Idee advised.
“Ehen! Are you sure about this Idee? If not I would call momsy to cast and bind over my head right now” Keji retorted.
“Well, it’s worth the research” was Idee’s reply to her friend.
She agreed with her friend and as weird as it felt, days turned to weeks and Keji was enjoying her chat with ‘KR’- she gave him a nickname already. She would often tell Idee that Kunle is like one of the girls, he gets her and he is often dropping words of advice and encouragement for her. She liked him as a support system. She was beginning to fall in love when Idee told her to pause with the feelings. She had something to tell her.
“I am coming over to your house”. Said Idee
“I don’t know how you would take it but please forgive me. I was looking out for your best interest o.” Idee spoke rather agitated as she sat on the grey sofa immediately she walked in.
Idee what are you talking about?
Well, err… I am really sorry babes. Ara ore mi lo ta mi (I was hurting for my friend).
What jor!
I am the Kunle Rodriguez you have been chatting with on IG. I realized you have been settling for the same kind of guys that break your heart and I wanted you to see that you deserved better and you owe it to yourself not even to me to live your best life.
What! Keji shouted.
I know. I am really sorry. I was always telling you the same thing Kunle said but you didn’t pay attention to me so I thought you might listen to Kunle. I stole the password from your phone and disabled your Kunle notification so you wouldn’t notice anything.
AH! Idee. you did this to me!
Get Out!
